yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
