Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
