So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize