no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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