I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
