Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
