Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
