Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
