yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
