FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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