Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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