I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
