I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
