Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
