i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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