They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
