And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
