btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk walkin through police station. America
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize