i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
