No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
