You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
