: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
