my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
