she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize