Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
