I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
