If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
