The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
