i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
