Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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