You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
