A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
