she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
