yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
