Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What drink are we having for lunch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
