I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
