No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
