Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
