yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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