OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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