Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
