I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
