I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
