The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
