maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
