we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
