I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
