She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize