I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
