I didn't shave. On purpose
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
