Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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