Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
