there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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