He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
