is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize