she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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