I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize