My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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