I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
