Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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