Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
