So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
