Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize