I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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