I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
