umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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