all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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