Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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