so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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