"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
