i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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