I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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