Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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