I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
