People in love make me want to vomit
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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