I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
