i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
