Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
