the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
