I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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