so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
