It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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