Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
