This is not my ceiling
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
