i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
