I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
