...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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