i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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