Yo dont text me then not text me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
