He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize