I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
