So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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