Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
